What Parents Get Wrong About Youth Sports

Let me share a personal story that brings Steve Magness's insights to life. When I got called up to the NHL for the first time, my dad came to watch an open practice. Like any proud father, he brought his video camera to capture the moment. When I got home, excited to watch the footage of my first NHL practice with the Vancouver Canucks, I discovered he'd spent the whole time filming my teammate, Corey Hirsch.

That was my dad – supportive but never overbearing. I started playing hockey late, at age 11, but I had that burning desire Magness talks about in his new book "Win the Inside Game." My parents saw that fire and supported it, but never tried to coach, never pushed. They just let me fall in love with the game.

The Universal Truth About Young Athletes 
In my world of hockey, I see parents constantly pushing for more training, more ice time, more everything. But Magness's research reveals something fascinating: the world-class athletes often had:

• More multi-sport experience than specialized practice

• Started their primary sport later

• Initially progressed slower than their peers

• Accumulated less early practice time

Think about that for a minute. While we're rushing to sign up for extra skills sessions, research shows that might be exactly what we shouldn't do.

What Actually Drives Kids Away 
The top reasons kids quit sports:

• It stops being fun

• Too much focus on winning

• Parental pressure

• Fear of failure

• Constant comparison to peers

Sound familiar? This isn't just about hockey – it's about all sports. But in hockey, where we often glorify the early morning practices and intense dedication, these factors become even more critical.

The Car Ride Home 
Here's what hit home for me: Magness points out that kids remember two things most vividly – the peak emotion of the game and the car ride home. That post-game analysis you're tempted to give? Save it. Your role isn't to coach – it's to support.

The Research Reality 
Magness shares some eye-opening statistics about what actually determines success:

• Deliberate practice only explains 20% of sport performance

• For elite athletes, it's just 1%

• Hard work gets you in the club, but it's not the difference-maker we think it is

The Wayne Gretzky Factor 
Consider this: When asked about his countless hours of practice as a kid, Gretzky simply said, "No one told me to do it." The greatest hockey player of all time is telling us something profound about internal motivation.

My late start in hockey and eventual journey to that NHL contract reinforces exactly what Magness is saying – it's not about early specialization or parental pressure. It's about that internal fire and having the support to let it burn.

What This Means for Hockey Parents

1. Let the fire come from within

2. Support unconditionally, regardless of performance

3. Resist the urge to overanalyze every game

4. Allow for multi-sport exploration

5. Remember that pressure from the stands affects performance

The Bottom Line 
As we head into 2025, maybe it's time to rethink how we approach youth hockey. The game is already intense enough. Our job isn't to add pressure – it's to help our kids love the game long enough to get good at it.

Remember what Tiger Woods said: "Don't force your kids into sports. I never was. It's the child's desire to play that matters, not the parent's desire to have the child play."

The next time you're tempted to sign up for that extra weekend clinic or give that post-game analysis, ask yourself: Is this for them, or is it for you?

Stay patient,

Mike

PS: if you're interested in picking up this great book, you can click on the image to find it on Amazon.

The Mail Bag ✉️

Trav asked: My son is playing well in AAA hockey, and I know a few college coaches are watching him play. But when we try to reach out we are not getting a response. They won't return calls or emails. Should I be concerned? He's a freshman already playing up on the U16 team, shouldn't we be starting these conversations now?"

Here's the deal: 

The silent treatment isn't personal. The NCAA has a rule that's black and white: No recruiting talks before Jan 1st of sophomore year. Period.

Think of it like this:

• Can coaches watch your kid compete in AAA tournaments? (YES)

• Can coaches evaluate/scout him? (YES)

• Can coaches consider him for their program? (YES)

• Can coaches talk to you about any of it? (NOPE)

Why? Because the NCAA doesn't want 14-year-olds stressing about college commitments while they're still trying to figure out which high school classes to take.

Here's what you should think about doing:

1. Keep detailed game/tournament footage (especially those big showcase tournaments)

2. Focus on development (the calls will come)

3. Mark January 1st of sophomore year on your calendar

4. Have your academic and athletic info ready for that date

Bottom line: The silence isn't a reflection of your son's talent. It's just the NCAA doing what the NCAA does - making rules. Stay focused, and trust me, if your son continues performing at a high level in AAA, you'll get those calls come sophomore year. Until then, let him focus on what matters: improving every time he hits the ice.

Alright, that's all I’ve got for this week! Hope you enjoyed it.

If you found this helpful, please give it a share— it means a lot to me and tell your hockey friends to subscribe!

Mike